whee!

i think, i am finally over it.

not it (although i'm pretty over that one too), but another It which has been bothering me. So here goes!

it's been such a bitch trying to get you to go out, but it's suddenly dawned on me that i don't really care anymore! waking up to just fuck off, ok? on a lovely, sunnny morning (which is good, since we're going swimming and sentosa) at 8 am wasn't very pleasant, but then again you've never really said many very pleasant things lately. the thing is, i think i've numbed myself already, it doesn't sting anymore, it doesn't sting when i think about all the stuff that i've invested in you (i haven't given you your xmas one, but it seems inappropriate to give it to you now), all the time, all the first times. waiting, waiting. last year was good, but that was last year, and this year there's this silent invisible rift between us that threatens to raise its ugly head in awkwardness and in a facetitious 'oh, nothing's happened' attitude every time i see you. maybe right now you find me annoying, maybe right now you don't even feel that, since it's going to take up too much emotional capacity and i'm no longer important enough for that, but i don't really care now. i was, we were, never important enough, i think. the thing is, i really wanted to go back, wanted to wait three hours for you, doing nothing in the frigid cold, wanted to laugh at your attempts to make jokes, wanted to laugh at all your idiosyncracies and everything which made you so endearing. but everything just seemed to die off, wane and spiral into nothingness. i'm tired of waiting to go back, waiting for silent replies, waiting, it was all about waiting. but those are now pretty memories, time to move on chum. so there.

whoa that felt good. swimgym in 90 minutes, then sentosa, gotta get ready!

reeeeeeech